Maternity jeans.

Today I wore my very first pair of maternity jeans, and I am happy. They fit me great, and as a bonus I got them on sale! YAY We also went for our other anatomy scan, because Raziel was so un-cooperative the last time; but he was great this morning. It might have had something to do with his mama drinking the OJ lol. I was so happy to see that everything looks ok. It's always so amazing to see his little heart beating and to hear it. My love for him just keeps on growing. This whole experience has changed me in so many ways, and I am so thankful. I also feel him kicking more, and I can't wait until Vash can feel him kick too. So, just a little up date. :O)

The Love of my Life!

Tomorrow on May 23rd, my husband and I will be married for two years. Two years may not seem like alot for some people, but for us it's an accomplishment. In our two years of marriage we've been through some really tough things, but i'm glad we made it through together. The truth is there is no other person in this world i'd rather go through those things with. So, here is a little background on our Gothic romance......

I met my husband at a goth club..gasp..yes a goth club. It was my first time going to one, so I decided to dress the part :O) I went with two of my friends, and we were having a great time, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and this big scary looking vampire guy called me over! ( It wasn't my husband and the guy is actually a great guy lol) He said to me, "My friend over there wants to talk to you." So, I looked over at my husband, and then back at him. I said, "Well, if your friend wants to talk to me, then what am I doing here talking to you?" (In the only Tabitha manner!) I went over to Vash and we started talking. What instantly caught my attention was how well he spoke. Alot of guys today speak "ghetto." We had an easy conversation, but then my friends wanted to go downstairs. We exchanged numbers and I left.

When I was down stairs ,I met up with him again, and we danced. The truth is it felt good, like I belonged there with him, and yes I know it sounds soo cliche! While we were dancing we kissed, and I knew that this man would be in my life for a long time.(another cliche!) I pulled away from him and left; because this was a very unusual feeling for me. He text me the next day, and the rest is pretty much history. I met him on January 20th, asked him to marry me on Febuary 16th, and we were married On May 23rd.

There were times when we thought we weren't going to make it, and alot of people didn't believe we would. HaHa, to us, and everyone else. LOL. Now, we're having a baby together, and he is honestly my best friend. He's the first person I think about in the morning, and the last person I think about before I go to sleep. I love him more then I ever thought possible. The fact that he is the father to my child, makes that love so much deeper, and so much more real. So, husband of mine, I love you, for all your flaws, vices, and the amazing man your proving yourself to be!

The BIG 2-8

Today is my 28th birthday!! I have to admit that this birthday means so much more to me then the previous ones, because in some ways I am shareing it with my son. We have already eaten a red velvet cupcake and daddy's left over dinner. I'm working today, but it's alright, because I am in such a happy mood. I never would have imagined that for my birthday I would be married, pregnant, and surrounded by so much love! Later it's dinner with my family!!

It's a BOY!!

So, today we had our 3D ultrasound, and we're having a boy! I have to say I knew it, but kept a little hope that it would be a girl. The truth is it really doesn't matter. This was the best early birthday present I could ever give myself! I am surrounded by little boys! I am very happy, and feel so lucky. God has blessed me in the most beautiful way. I have always pictured Raziel in mind, and now in a few months he will be in my arms. My beautiful angel of God. I just want to cry the happiest tears right now!! Ohh, and let me tell you he was still stubborn, he had his legs crossed again! Mama had to drink orange juice ,and walk around, then he loosened up! LOL he is his mother's child. I get to say he!! WOW, it's so amazing!!

A weighty issue.

Ok, I am trying really hard not to let this bother me, but the truth is, it is. Last night I was hysterical crying, because of the 6 or 7 lbs i've gained so far. Now, usually this wouldn't bother me, but every time I put something in my mouth, someone makes a comment about how big i'm going to get! It's like holy crap am I not suppose to eat.? It might just be that people don't realize that what or how they say things are going to have an affect on me( they might be joking), but the truth is it really hurts my feelings. I have struggled with weight my whole life, and I seriously don't need people clocking every thing I eat all day. It's like I heard someone talking about my pregnancy over the phone the other day and they were like ' She's huge!' Damn, I didn't t hink I was that big! I actually thought I was looking pretty good so far.

All this talk about my weight makes me want to go and hide everytime eat. It makes me want to diet and do 3 hours of exercise. I'm suppose to be feeling so beautiful, but when I get around people, all I want to do is hide. I just don't understand it. It's like when I was fat and ate, noone said anything. Now that i'm pregnant and eating everything is going to make me fat, and i'm going to give birth to a huge baby. I realize I might just be overly sensitive to this issue and laugh it off when someone says anything, but the truth is when I get home I feel like crap. Vash is being so supportive, and I know he doesn't understand why i'm breaking down, but if you heard this all the time wouldn't you start feeling self - concious. I just want to have a healthy pregnancy and baby. I don't need the rude comments or the jokes. I don't understand why people have to do that.

Our stubborn baby!

So, we went for our sonogram yesterday(which I was soo excited for, because we might see the sex!), and our baby was just hanging out. I mean the baby was just laying there with his or her's legs crossed, sucking on a thumb, and happily not moving. LOL I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else but a stubborn baby. I mean his/her parents are very stubborn people. It was still great to see the baby developing. We heard it's little heartbeat and I am one happy mommy. They took like 7 tubes of blood from me, and I was cool as a cucumber. I'm actually feeling more like a pregnant women each day, because my body is saying, "Hey you, yes you, your pregnant!" I am feeling awesome and a little pudgy, but hey what am I gonna do? Whatever is good for the baby is good for me. I was telling Vash that it's so amazing how you can love something so un-conditionally already, and I haven't even really seen it. I haven't held it, but it's as real to me as my nephews and godson. I am a fortunate woman.

What kind will I be?

What kind of mother will I be? That's the new question in my head these days. I ask these questions, because I am so old fashion, tough, and I have very strict point of views. Sometimes I look at my sisters Rose and Dyani, and wonder how they dealt with me. So, I was kinda worried that i'd be some kind of Nazi mom, but then my little sister said something to me that made me happy. She said, " Your going to be a good mom, and your not too strict!" Ha! that coming from Dyani! I guess I must have been doing something right as the crazy, mean, old fashioned sister. Lol, so I think i'll be a cool, hip, lovable, strict, strong, old-fashion mom type, but hey that's exactly how I am normally. And guess what? That's totally ok!